Happy Birthday girlie!

It's D3's birthday day - her first double digit year as she called it. She is 10 and loving it. I'm currently waiting for D3 and D2 to get their nails done. D3 really wanted a pedicure today - I really wanted to get her one. The problem? I don't have the money to do it. What with the gifts from us and her sisters, the pizza dinner and cake tonight and all the other things that take $$, I just didn't have the extra. So I stood my ground and told her I was really sorry but I could not afford to get her one today. So she and D2 decided to pay for it themselves. D3 got a really cute pedicure, pink nails with a jewel and a blue swirl of some sort. D2 decided on fake nails with blue polish. Blue....not my choice but also not my $$ so it's up to her. They are both feeling like princesses and they are enjoying themselves. D1 is unfortunately in the same boat as me, out of money and she was hanging out with a friend. She's had her treats lately too just not today.

My side is better today, not perfect but I can sleep without too much pain now and I've only noticed it a few times today. Yeah...glad that's all it turned out to be.

Emotionally...could be better. I'm seeing a pattern of resentment happening and I think sometimes that I'm to blame for it. In my first marriage I would stew on a problem or issue because I didn't want the conflict that would result. But because nothing would change (because I didn't vocalize my issues) resentment would brew. I can see that pattern becoming a habit again, only this time I am trying really hard to not repeat it. I was in a foul mood this morning and GG was concerned. I'm just tired of arguing, trying to keep everyone on track, trying to do it all without help or success. I agree that a lot of it is self created stress but I need to vocalize my stress and ask for help. Why is that so difficult. When I'm mad and vent to GG he always tries to put a spin on it to help me through it or help me say something to the kids in a more "constructive" way. We have different views on the way kids should be spoken to and I'm learning that when you grow with a child from the beginning, your discipline and styles are different than when you come into their lives in the "middle" so to speak. Something we have to work through and figure out. Writing about it and "getting it out" is helping so I think journaling may be the key here for me.

Blessings for today: I am truly blessed with a beautiful 10 year old who is a very respectful and gracious young lady. Happy Birthday sweetie!